Meet the Fockers....Tips on Dealing with the In Laws


As if planning a wedding was not one of the most difficult things to do in a couple’s relationship, the added stress of difficult in-laws can be extremely frustrating.  In-laws may mean well, but their ideas about your wedding may not coincide with your dream wedding. The key thing to remember in planning your dream wedding, is the simple fact it is YOUR wedding, not your in-laws. (Easier said than done, I know!)

Since you are going to be marrying these peoples offspring, naturally enough it is a good idea to try and keep the peace as much as possible!  If there are certain things that really do not bother you, then try and compromise with the in-laws…Giving in on one or two issues, can win you points to fight the bigger battles. It all comes down to strategy, your wedding, your rules.

Here’s a few biggies that can cause trouble when it comes to interfering in-laws:

  • The topic of religion in the ceremony. Wow, that is a big one.  Many couples have to face this issue.  If your in-laws have different religious views than you and your future spouse, it does get tricky to plan a ceremony.  If you are not dead set in a specific religious ceremony, there are ceremonies that can be molded around a number of beliefs.  If you are willing, maybe try and incorporate a couple of the in-laws religious traditions into your ceremony.  You could try and appease the in-laws by including part of their religious traditions in your reception.
  • Another big issue that comes up when planning a wedding, is the location.  This is usually only an issue if the couple to be married lives far away from their families.  There are several things to consider when selecting the location of your wedding.  The cost of accommodations for your guests. If it is too costly for your guests to find lodging, they will probably not be able to attend your special event.  The cost of the travel to the location is another important factor.  A fair solution is to try and plan the wedding at a half way point between in-laws.
  • The tradition of having a bride’s parents pay for the entire wedding has pretty much been dissolved. Weddings are expensive. It is ridiculous to think one side of a union must pay for the entire cost.  A couple should discuss the cost with all parents involved and come up with a reasonable plan. Nowadays, couple’s typically take on the cost of the wedding themselves.  A way to offset the costs may be the invitation for family members to sponsor a portion of the ceremony.  One family can pay for flowers, another pays for music, and so on.  This ensures all family members are a part of the wedding. However, this type of solution may lead to a lot of extra input on the planning portion of your wedding.

As with most things in this life….you will not be able to please everybody, but as time goes by, hopefully they will forget the differences and move on.  It is your special day, and you should be able to do as you please.  My best bit of advice?  Put your foot down when you have to, but choose your battles wisely.  Good luck!

Ciara Crossan

Ciara is the Founder and CEO of WeddingDates and has a particular love for quirky & unusual weddings! Considered a wedding venue expert, lucky for her she has visited hundreds of stunning wedding venues all over Ireland and the UK.

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